It's the most wonderful time of the year...

I can't believe it's been since APRIL that I last posted here. It's not that nothing has been going on, in fact... too much has been going on. I've been using this blog primarily to just write down any "deep" thoughts or what some may consider brain farterings, but rest assured, they won't stop.

You know, just today I was reminded of the fascinating novelty that thrives in the human existence. That thing is the absurd, illogical and most sought after desire to have no consequences to bad decisions. Now I am no angel. We are all at fault of this.

We all have a natural desire to do something that will satisfy a need or want with little regard for the consequences ESPECIALLY when those consequences are not immediate. I should not eat fast food, but I do. I know that one day it could kill me, but it won't right now and I can always quit later... low and behold I got pretty fat there for awhile and very easily could again. Some people smoke. They know they should quit and want to quit but just one more... quit tomorrow... next thing you know it's 40-60 years later and they have cancer. I should be at the gym, but hey I am tired... We have wants, needs, desires that always come before consequence but being the short-sighted beings we naturally are, we just move forward with what feels good, tastes good, looks good for the right now. How much does this problem scale? Look at healthcare legislation. It will cost trillions.... later...

My wife made a bad decision on September 23, 2006 (our wedding day) and she is suffering the consequences. Every. Single. Day.

Be obliviously perceptive

I came across some interesting stuff lately. It's about having an impression or thought about someone. Really, what I've concluded and was also confirmed by my boss, is that people are actually very perceptive... and they don't even realize it.

Think about it, when you think someone is stupid or wrong or some other negative perception you could have toward someone, you may act as if none of those things are true and that person will, some way some how, see it. It's something so subtle in your demeanor that you don't even think the person will notice. But the fact is, the person notices.

Tiny facial expressions, mildly forced smiles, so on and so forth, cannot be hidden for long. People notice this stuff.

In the past, I've dealt with people who I had negative thoughts about, and low and behold, the relationship deteriorated more and more. Then recently, I decided to change that. I took those negative thoughts and made them positive. I started to empathize and soon I was UNDERSTANDING why they said/thought what they said/thought. With that understanding, I began listening. With that listening, the subtleties that hurt the relationship before virtually vanished.

My wife tried this with me. She still can't stand me.

A little political humor never killed anyone that didn't die from it.

As you've noticed, I've stayed away from talking politics too much here, but I just found this joke very funny. I cannot recall where it came from, but it's funny nonetheless.

And here it is:

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS and said, "You're in a hot air balloon approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude."

She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican."

"I am," he replied. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the woman," everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to make of your information and I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."

The man smiled and said, "You must be a Democrat."

"I am," replied the woman. "But how did you know?"

"Well," said the man," you don't know where you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You've made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and now you expect ME to solve your problem. You're in EXACTLY the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now, it's MY fault."

Mac vs. PC

Being in IT, this is something I come across very often. What are the real differences between Mac and PC. My conclusion is that Mac is a cult. Seriously. I never realized how vicious "Mac people" get about the alleged superiority of a Mac over a PC. Keep in mind, I like Macs. But "Mac people" kind of suck.

Macs are marketed as a computing appliance and they say Macs never crash. Yeah, sure, and cigarettes didn't cause cancer, in fact, they were healthy. If Macs never have problems then how come any time I visit an Apple store there are about 30 people at any given time waiting on a "Mac Genius" for help in fixing some problem. This fact goes on widely ignored.... liberal media.

Then there's "there are 100s of viruses for PCs while Macs don't have any" and let's look at that logically. Here's a blurb from an article I found:

Apple's Macintosh now commands 3.26 percent of the worldwide market for PCs and 6.26 percent of the US market for PCs.

and that was for the first quarter of 2008. Once Macs actually have a strong hold on the market, they will become much more of a target and the viruses (and victimized excuses such as "PC people are just so mean to us Mac people and THEY created the viruses") will be coming out.

I find that functionally, Macs just aren't as sophisticated as PCs, but man, they sure are pretty and cool lookin'.

My experience with Macs, while I do find them attractive and overall, kinda useful, is like dating a hot college girl, only to find out she well... doesn't really bring anything new... just a little admiration from other people that have similar interests while drawing attention from others who normally wouldn't care.

With the right marketing, even I, Shawn Finer, could be considered tall. Thank you Apple.

Ambition. Without Am, it's just bition.

It's been awhile since I have posted, but I think what I have to say now may be a bit more interesting. There are many strange things that happen in my life and I think I may need to start detailing them.

The other day, my lovely wife, Laura, was in deep thought.

"Whatcha thinkin' about, babe?" and yes, that's how I talk.

"Well, I was thinking about all this baby stuff I saw online, like burp cloths, blankets and so much stuff that I could make. I really think I'd like to get into baby making."

There was a long pause at this moment. I sat still with a gazed look as Laura stopped and realized, based on my perplexed expression, that she had said something wrong. 

"OH!"

"Yes dear?"

"I meant, um, baby creating."

And yet another awkward pause.

"I MEAN, um, creating stuff for babies."

"There you go."

"It's so hard to be me."

So there you have it. My wife wants to make babies... apparently...

Habit 7: Sharpen the saw

Relax. Enjoy life. Meditate. Overall: rejuvenate yourself!! Basically, be sure to practice the four components which many believe make up the human being:

1. Exercise the body
2. Sharpen your mind
3. Meditate and work on your spirit
4. Care for your important relationships by keeping a good heart

I think 1, 2, and 3 are pretty obvious but the 4th one there is about practicing habits 4, 5 and 6 in your every day life.

Keep a positive attitude and be enthusiastic.

It's sounds all gooey, weird and oddly obvious but be honest with yourself... how often do we practice this stuff?? Some days I struggle, but over all, when I make the conscious effort, I find each day a little easier than the last!

Habit 6: Synergize

This is the 3rd and final habit in the "public victory" which means the final habit that allows you to deal with a team and opening yourself emotionally to work with other people.

Basically, synergy is taking all the previous habits and using them in a team environment. When you think win/win for instance, you are coming up with a "third alternative" that will allow everyone to benefit. It's about improving your spiritual, emotional and social sides of your life.

Synergize... sounds like a yoga technique. But it's a result of living your life through the previous 5 habits and being able to handle yourself and all different types of people.

Habit 5: Seek first to understand, then be understood

One of the important things to understand about all of the 7 habits is, just because someone points this stuff out, doesn't mean many... well really, any, people follow it. So this next habit is about communication. The habits are about influencing AND helping others. And the best way to do this is to actively listen and understand someone's situation and/or concerns.

For example, I'm a consultant. If I don't listen and fully understand what my clients need, I'd be out of a job. A client will tell me what they need, they need me to understand them, once that has happened, I can then tell them what their options are, what I am able to do and what will be a mutually exclusive solution. That is when they will understand me. It wouldn't be very effective to provide a business solution that doesn't match a business problem.

It was often my mom would tell me "Just shut up, and listen." Funny thing, I now live by that.

Habit 4: Think Win/Win

We hear it all the time. In life there are winners and there are losers. And why is that? Because a few successful jackasses screwed over a ton of people to get to the top. So, lots of people just followed suit. But we see it often, burn all the bridges in your way and eventually there aren't any left to help you get back across when the time comes.

So habit 4, think win/win is using the attitude that there are are resolutions to conflicts or to mere situations that are mutually beneficial to all parties involved. It's the "third alternative."

Really, it's safe to say this is a "mature" mindset. The "I win, you lose" mindset is really childish in most situations... maybe not all... but probably most.

And here is a kicker for many people: What do I do if I am unable to come up with a win/win situation in a family or business situation? The answer is simple: Walk away. Really? Just walk away?? Yes, when you walk away, you don't burn any bridges by winning and making someone else lose and you don't lose by giving up and letting someone else win.

Need an example? Well, when my wife and I are having a bitter, heated discussion. We come up with a mutually beneficial solution: I go play Mario Kart Wii and she gets the last word. We all win. Except when she then joins me and beats me at Mario Kart... then there is no win/win and I just walk away.

I'm back from a month hiatus!

Alright, so I've been busy and haven't posted in a month. I want to post on some stuff that is a bit more interesting as well. So here are all the rest of the 7 habits right now!

Habit 3: First things first

So now, you've taken responsibility for your own response and actions (Proactive), realize your goals and where you want to go (Beginning with the end in mind) and now for the third habit: First things first.

This means you need to set priorities. Now this sounds pretty easy right?  I don't believe it is. In order to do this you have to decide which of your principles/values and goals are most important. If you prioritize, you will have a clear idea of what measures success for you. What roles are you trying to be successful in (spouse, community organizer, a citizen, sibling, parents etc)? Which to you is more important?

Setting priorities for your life defines a clear path.

All of this together generates what is called a "Private Victory." It's your own path to having independence. You are completely responsible for how you achieve your goals and handle outside factors that may affect those goals.

Now, you are probably thinking this sounds all fine and dandy, but there are other people involved in things you do such as being a parent. Did I fail as a parent if my kid ends up screwed up in life? Am I a bad brother/sister because my brother/sister is mean to me? (You can come up with a million of these) and the answer is: That is up to you!!

What I mean is, no matter what you do, you are unable to control other people. It's not about getting the desired result out of others, it's about getting a desired result for yourself. You taught your kid all the things you wanted to teach him/her, you treated your brother/sister with respect, love etc, but THEY chose to go a different path. That is why this is a PRIVATE VICTORY. Only you can feel it. 

Prioritize your principles/values. If it is to be a great parent, put it on paper how you will do this (i.e. never miss a performance or game they are involved in, never be late, keep your promises, the things YOU can control). If you can do that, you will be successful. It's not about controlling the child, it's about controlling yourself.

In Habits 4-6, we'll discuss "Public Victory."

My private victory? My beta fish has yet to get constipated again....

For Valentine's, I gave my wife a hug.

Forgive me. I'm broke.

I'll come back to the next habit of the 7 habits real soon... maybe later tonight... or tomorrow... We'll see.

In the mean time, I thought I'd share this video someone made. It's a technique called stop-motion which basically means it's thousands of images put together in a movie (well, I suppose all movies are that, but this one is just done very creatively).

A little imagination can go a long way!

It's call Her Morning Elegance by Oren Lavie -- nice work!

Habit 2: Begin with the End In Mind!

If you are a proactive person, you have to then think about what you want? In other words, what is your goal? What desired results do you wish to achieve? Don't think about HOW to meet your goals but WHAT goals you want to achieve. This is the thinking with "the end in mind."

Covey believes the best way to practice living your life while aiming at a desired result can best be done through creating a "Personal Mission Statement." This isn't like most mission statements you hear about from companies that put out these statements that really don't make much sense... This statement is to document your perception or vision of your life. So this is something based on principles. If I were to say "I want to live my life happy" wouldn't be a great mission statement because I am describing an emotion not a principle. If I were to say "I want to live my life providing service to others" well, there is a principle (service) that will then lead me to being happy. 

I created one, but not one I want to share. It's not meant to be something you boast, it is meant to be something that helps you personally drive yourself to living in the path that will help you succeed in the life you want to live.

Planning is essential to fulfilling any goal whether it be in a job or just a home project. But without a clear vision of the "End In Mind" you will really have trouble achieving any desired results.

Now, we have long term goals (for example: I want to provide service to others) and short-term goals (for example: I want to get healthy for my wife). Either way, you need to know the goal before you can achieve one.

This is all about thinking with the end in mind.

Habit 1: Be Proactive!

Aww, yes. We've all heard this term, especially from management. I always thought it meant to take initiative and just go head first into projects or something. Many managers I've had really used this term rather loosely.

So what does it mean to me? How does Stephen Covey (author of The 7 Habits) mean proactive?
Covey didn't actually invent this or any of the ideas. He just put them in a logical, easy-to-understand order. The idea of being "proactive" (or at least the term proactive as it associates with the habits) was coined by Victor Frankl.

You see, Victor Frankl was a victim of the Holocaust and a neurologist/psychiatrist. While in the concentration camps, he was always cheerful regardless of all the torture. He appeared to be less harmed by the treacherous conditions while the others in the same place suffered dearly. This was because he was "proactive." He came out of the camp with the idea that even in the most painful, disgusting, dehumanizing situations, there is still a meaning to life. Even suffering was in some way meaningful.

Everyone knows that a stimulus generates some form of a response. Human nature is to be reactive, not proactive. Reactive means you are generally a victim and the state of the response to some said stimulus has been determined by someone else, therefore you are unhappy. Being proactive means taking responsibility for your life. Each aspect of your life and how you view it has been determined by you. You decide your response.

There are things you can control, such as your response, and things you cannot, such as the stimulus. The things you can control are in your "Circle of Influence." Well it's not likely any of us will end up in a concentration camp, so how else could this be applied to our lives? Let's look at this: Losing your job.

As you all already know, I've lost mine in the past. I was reactive. I got sick with stress over things I could not control. If I were proactive at the time, I would have taken a step back. I would have realized what I can do to help myself. I eventually got there, but human nature is to react. It takes months, maybe years to become truly proactive. But without the conscience effort, it won't happen.

Being proactive is a habit to help you personally, mentally, spiritually. Once you can control yourself, you can better handle situations that involve other people. Which we will get to with the next few habits.

Ya know, I try to tell my wife that if she just could control herself things would be okay. But she finds it more effective to kick me in my sleep...

A Disasterous Set of Events...

Well, not really disasterous, I'm really just putting a little preface to what I am doing now. I've read and been trying to live through The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

My next 7-8 posts are going to be on each of the habits.

Sounds fun, eh? stick with me. I think you'll find it interesting and it'll give you a little insight on how I am the way I am... sort of... there's a lot of me that can't be explained, unfortunately.

Same Stink, Different Day

Or so I thought.

Just when I thought I've seen it all, my betta fish gets constipated. No, seriously.

This made me think, not so deeply, about what the  heck is going to happen next? I'm starting to find that I take each day a little bit for granted. I drive my car to work, my wife is waiting for me when I get home, my cats are going to sleep and curl up on me, I'll call my family and they will answer, I'll go to work and get a paycheck on pay day, but what if one of those things don't happen one day? I can deal without work and a paycheck (I've done it once and can do it again... althought I'd rather not), but all those other things, the things that I really don't think about losing, what if I did?

I know what you are thinking -- Geez Shawn... you got all this from a constipated betta? Yes I did. The fish almost died and I was sad.

Why do I need a title?

If you know how to do something, you'll always have a job. If you know why to do something, you'll never have a boss.

My boss recently told me this quote. And me, being an ambitious man (well, my wife sometimes calls me a baby or a whiny little girl, but I'm stickin' with man) take these words very much to heart.

Think about it. Knowing how to do something is essential to having a career. Your knowledge and skill set are what determine the money you will make. But if you are able to look at how something is done and why it is done that way, you can find your own road. I can know how to configure a network, but knowing why is what has made me a consultant.

You are a business. When you apply for a job, your employer then bids on the time you will provide him/her (called a salary to the common folk). Investing in yourself through education and dedication requires people who want to rent your time to pay more money for it.

So what's in demand? If you know why something is done, you don't ask how to do something, you tell why to do something. There are plenty of people out there who know how to do Site Administration for a SharePoint portal, but it takes something extra to know why it is done, where it comes from, what you want to do with it and how it is going to help you.

I guess the most important question would be, why do I care? Hell, I don't know. All I know is I do...

Nothin' like a tall glass of self-fulfilling prophecy

I'm sure we've all seen it. You say something long enough, it becomes true. 

Last night, I watched Howie Mandel's "How We Do It" and the power of suggestion was very strong. He pulled a prank on 2 different people one with tanning lotion that ended up burning someone's skin (but it didn't really) and another where a new shampoo tested on 3 men ended up causing them to lose hair and their scalps burned red etc (again, it didn't actually happen). In both of those situations, those people started to get burning skin, panicked and started to really freak out (but had absolutely nothing wrong with them). 

This makes me look at the news media in our country. When the news says something enough it becomes an epidemic, a wave of fear. This just bugs the crap out of me.

I get very annoyed with people who say they think for themselves but only repeat what they obviously read on the landing page of Yahoo! or CNN. People are too easily manipulated and instead of asking why or how, just take it and run. I'm working in technology and if I want to learn a new software or anything new, I have to read 5-10 different books that sometimes say different things and figure out on my own, which I think is best.

Are people blind or dumb? I don't know. But they sure as hell are gullible.

And the true irony is if you take what I preach here, I've technically told you not to believe me. Boy, I'm in a pickle.

Sometimes it's best to just go to bed...

The age-old, cliche of a question: "What is the meaning of life?"

I ask this question, because I like to take on a personal challenge. So many think they know what the answer is "to help others" "to make money" "to serve your family" "to be happy and live in the light of God" and I can't help but think, which of these could possibly be correct?

Then It came to me. The meaning of life is to give your life meaning. Again, a simple cliche. But relevant nonetheless.

I really don't think I'll know the meaning of my life until it's over. I suppose it will be God who will tell me of all the people I've touched and the people I've hurt, even if I never meant to do so. Over the last 2 years, I've learned a lot about myself. I thought I was driven bymoney. That was my meaning: to grow rich and be admired. But I'm neither of those and have really come to realize I don't WANT any of those. I want to be that guy who was significant in your life but was not the center of your life (unless you are my wife and family). There are people out there who deserve and need to be at the center.

All I want to be is remembered.

It's not our abilities that make us who we are, it's our choices

I talk a lot about making choices. You are in a bad situation, you have the options to dwell and feel sorry for yourself or to figure out the next best thing. These choices aren't about what is ideal, it's about what will make us happier of the options.

If you start to feel sorry for yourself, watch this video... I hope it has the same impact on you as it has had on me.

I've asked myself a few times: What if both my choices are bad ones and neither will make me really happy, just one is better than the other? Well, frankly that is up to you. I never could have told this kid that he can sit around and dwell on his blindness or go play football. It was 100% up to him. He decided to play and as you can see, he struggles mightily, but he does not quit. And all of sudden, he is inspiration for others. His calling wasn't to be a pro football player. His calling was to remind people like you and me that there is just no excuse to not keep on truckin'. 

What did the 5 fingers say to the face? SLAP!!

Sometimes when you least expect it, you just get slapped. It hurts, but why not make it something you learn from, something that you can make fun of and/or something that makes a poor situation better.

You may ask, how, Shawn Finer, will I know if a slap is good or a bad slap of which i can make good? That's a great question.

Bad slap: slapping an angry bull.
Good slap: really only a girl can experience this when slapping jerks at bars (although please refer to above video).
Turning a bad slap into a good slap: slapping an angry bull and living to tell about it.

Sorry... I just couldn't think of better examples but I think you get it.

You can't know the good slaps until you experience the bad. Be open-minded.... and handed.