The sky is falling. The end is near. Panic! Panic! PANIC!

Oil is high. A financial crisis is upon us. Inflation is up. Employment is down. The New Kids on the Block are reuniting. All the signs of dooms day face us now.

Or maybe, just maybe, things will get better.

Keep things in perspective. Hell, bring it back to the control. What can you control? How about YOUR OWN SPENDING?? If you want to keep spending, then plan for what you are going to lose or, at least, not generate, later on. Face the consequences of your actions.

If you are going to eat crap food, expect to get fat. Hell, enjoy it for a little bit. You will just have to face the consequences later. I do it myself.

Calling for dooms day and panicking is really just an excuse to not do anything. People cry and scream until someone comes and cleans up their mess. If you don't believe me... try to work in the IT industry for awhile.

Or heck, just try being my wife!

I'm running for President.

And I'll lose.

Why so pessimistic, you may ask? In celebration of tonight's debates between Senator Obama and Senator McCain, I couldn't help but try and picture myself in position of one of the candidates. I don't believe I am the smartest man, but when I am looking for a solid leader, pretty rhetoric does not give me the hoobalie joobalies like sound logic does.

There is just no way I'd be able to remain quiet as a candidate uses 2 words that mean 2 different things interchangeably. I wouldn't be able to control my smartass remarks. These candidates are just too easy. I appreciate the professionalism, but come on, it's time to be real. When your opponent says something stupid, let's start comedic jabbing. Let's see some rolling eyes, shake your head in disgust, heck, just right "WTF?" on a piece a paper and hold it up to a camera at opportune times. THAT would make for a great debate.

We should have bikini-clad models holding up score cards. I think there should be some college  kids playing beer pong in the background (Come on, it was Ole Miss!). I think having those guys from the show Wipeout drawing over the screen with voiceovers would draw in the American public just that much more.

But what about the issues?

Economy: I will decrease the increase by increasing the decrease by dividing up the tax brackets into 1 bracket of 6 brackets of a unified brackateer. I'll call it Bracketing so that no one will bother asking me what the hell I'm talking about.

Iraq: Finish the war and win it, but don't make it last any longer. I don't want my children to be paying the debt of a war they don't fight even if that means they will have to fight a war later that we don't finish, it's not selfish, it's just self-concerned.  I'll call it Iraqi War Backward-Progressings so that no one will bother asking me what the hell I'm talking about.

And my advisors consist of a palm pilot and my garden gnome and of course, my opponent, Timpleton the Great, also known as my cat. 

If you want change, I'll bring you change.

Shawn Finer for President 2028

The ERCO Agreement

You know, I mentioned that I was not a good salesman but it turns out I am a seriously good negotiator.

As of today, even in the wildest of economic times here in the US, there is a beacon of hope. A bright light to guide our way. This accomplishment shows that ANYTHING in this world is possible. And what is that?

The ERCO Agreement.

It stands for Extended Relationship Contractual Obligation. After my wife and I got married she said I only had 2 years or it was over. So, I did what I had to do and today, our 2 year anniversary, I convinced her to renew our ERCO Agreement.

Not only did she renew, but she even agreed to 3+ years! How amazing am I to pull that off?

Now, don't you think for a second that I am going soft. But I am going to get serious for a minute:
I love my wife, Laura, more than anything in the world. She deals with my strange sense of humor, lifts me when I am down and stuck by me in the worst of times.

And yet, I can't help but fart on her.

If it's a rumor on the internet, it is SO real!

The point of ridiculous has passed. We are now at the point of atmospheric retardation. The Internet with its vast cyber world of knowledge has also become a vast cyber world of lies, deceit and hilarious rumors that people actually believe. Let's start with the current presidential race. Disregard the fact that it's apparently been a Capitol Hill rule of thumb to not forcibly attack the running mate of your opponent (maybe this is part of the "change" Obama is talking about), the rumors that run about Sarah Palin are so ignorant and laughable. The only part that's not funny about these rumors is that people believe them... no matter how preposterous. Keep in mind it goes both ways when it comes to politics, but I'm surprised at the absolute desperation that wreak from Obama supporters that lead to asinine and absurd stories.

But this isn't a political blog. It's merely a recent revelation that has bestowed itself upon us in our daily expectation of internet procrastination.

So what is the problem with the internet then? It's too fast. For centuries upon centuries, the world waited in anticipation for 6 months to have a new book. Now we have a new website probably every 6 seconds (if not faster). It's awesome. It's incredible. But it's hilariously dangerous. Mostly because I believe people could be more rational, make smarter decisions and well... make their OWN decisions, but people choose not to. If it's on a blog by an anonymous writer in Peru, well what reason do I have not to believe it?

Even right now at Facebook.com there is a new group protesting the new Facebook layout titled "IF 10 MILLION JOIN MARC ZOMBERG WILL BRING BACK THE OLD FACEBOOK!"
Uhhh.... there is no Marc Zomberg. The owner of Facebook is named Mark Zuckerberg. But this hasn't stopped 616,449 people from joining this group as of 4:45 p.m. today believing this will actually happen. That's well over 100,000 people since I realized today at noon that this group exists.

Now if you send a link to this blog to 125 of your friends in the next 10 minutes you will get $1,000 from Microsoft and will receive 17 years of the greatest luck anyone could imagine. If you fail to do so, you just might die in the next 38 minutes. So hurry!

Case of the Mondays or a case FOR the Mondays?

No one likes to have a case of the Monday's so I propose: A Case FOR the Monday's

Think about it. Hating Monday's means you are definitely going to be hating 1/7 of your life. That's 14.29% of your life that you have predetermined NOT to enjoy. So what's the best kind of case to have? A case of beer. 

I went to work today thinking "Great, it's another Monday" and suddenly it dawned on me. Why are Monday's so bad? It's because of work. The thing that I realized is, who cares? If not for a job, I couldn't buy beer. If not for beer, I couldn't enjoy Monday's. 

The circle of life continues. 

And now I just took back 1/7 of my life!

The only thing I can control is the remote and even that is questionable...

There is a funny thing in life that everyone thinks about and that is control. What control do we really have? Truthfully? You'd think maturity and age gives people control but if that were the case, there would be no need for Depends.....

It's interesting to sit back and look at those who "control" things. We the people "control" who will be the next president. Sure, on a grand scale that ignores individuality, that is true. But hell, I'm an individual and all I can control is my one vote. No one will change because I said so. No one will say I am right no matter how right I am. The government has a lot of control, sure, but only as long as they don't piss people off enough to revolt. Control is a faulty thing. Control isn't really power, it's perception. Maybe perception is power, maybe the use of power creates a perception. In the end, it doesn't really matter because people will do what's best for themselves and a collective of common interests will take hold. But guess what... I have no control over what the collective of common interest will be. And neither do you. Control is a short-term ideal. It doesn't last, which only shows, control doesn't really exist.

So, what does this brilliant piece of rhetoric mean? That the only thing I can ever control is myself. And as I said above, even that can be lost over time.

This doesn't mean that there's no hope. It just means take care of yourself. Treat others how you want to be treated and stop worrying about things you can't control. Trust me, you'll be much happier if you do.

Boo - AHH!!!

While cooking, a spoon flies across the room and lands 6 feet away. The air gets dense and the faucet turns on by itself. It's not too soon after that the refrigerator opens with no hands touching it. The fan turns on when someone says they are hot and a hand grabs your shoulder... when no one is in the room.

This is a great horror movie... oh wait, no, it's what happens in my home.

The name is Mildred and I am Shawn's house ghost.

My kind of political party? A Toga Party!

I am conservatively conservative... or perhaps its liberally conserving conservatism? Conserberal? Republican because the other option is Democrat while the other 3rd parties are really just as hypocritical and full of politicians. 

I am careful about my conservatism. I try very hard to think of things logically... not just what makes sense to me but about what other people will react to, how they will react and why they will react which brings me to my philosophy on people --- as a whole, people are panicky and stupid. The individual can be reasoned with, but the masses react rather than listen. 

Don't believe me? You should visit Texas Tech football game...

Which brings me to my next thought... my house is haunted.

Tomorrow's forecast: Old.

I am about to be less than half a decade to 30 years old. I never thought the day would come. Sure, sure, I'm 26, no one feels sorry for me. But that won't stop me feeling sorry for myself! Okay, I'll avoid the pity party and let's reflect upon all the years.

1 decade ago I was:

- Just about to get my driver's license

- Trying to grow a beard

- Playing high school football

- Trying any way to find beer

 and I still had things to look forward to:

- Getting into Rated R movies

- Voting

- Buying Playboy

- Alcoholism/College

And now look at me. Washed up. I'm getting bitter which only shows my age. I just can't win and my damn hip is actin' up again dag-gum-it. Take me out to pasture, I'm done for! 

This goose is cooked.

There's no such thing as a free lunch

Mostly because if someone is willing to give you something for free, it's because they want to get rid of it.

You get what you pay for. There's a reason that green meat is having a "quick sell sale" at the local grocery store. Even if that green meat were free, it's gonna cost you something... most likely in the form of a very large hospital bill. But I must say, the beds really are quite comfy...........

The idea of paying someone close to nothing for a highly sought after skill is not only a joke but it's an insulting joke. Negotiations are a funny thing. Using big numbers to try and represent a big win when really it's a huge loss really just cracks me up. Do people really fall for it? I guess they do. I think Nigeria's entire economy is based on stupid people. Hm, I'll have to ponder this.

While I'm gone, come up with an answer to this:

If a tree falls in the forest but no one is around to hear it, will a Republican be blamed?

Appreciate what you have, there are hungry children in India(na)

I love football.

All right, now down to business. The other day I was sitting around and started to wonder "what is it that is really missing from our yard?" We have new grass, plenty of flowers and plants and all that crap and then it hit me... no not crap... an idea.

A wise man once wrote a Bud Light commercial that said "A home isn't a home, without a Gnome" I just could not agree with that any more. My home, just isn't a home, without beer.  Thank you Bud Light.

Which leads me to my next thought ... There was a time in my life when I was a cocky bastard. I know, it may seem so hard to believe. Want to know what changed it all? Honesty! I don't expect you to know what I mean, but stick with me here. No matter how much I tried to be that quick witted, trendy, over-confident guy, it really just wasn't me. I took a step back, looked in the mirror and realized, man, I am gaining weight. But then I thought, "Wow, I have no desire to be that guy." And why not? Because I am NOT that guy. I am overly nice and I don't want to change that. I am not a good salesman. I am always going to be the guy that can't fight the urge to help someone. I still hate those damn door-to-door solicitors. I will never receive those magazines so get the hell of my porch!

One year ago I was unemployed. I never had a job I liked. I was sick with stress. The whole honesty thing fixed it. Well honestly, I'm still working on it much like everyone else. But it doesn't change the fact that I decided to figure out who I really am and use it to my advantage rather than trying to change or fix it. Can't fix something that isn't broken. To use one of my many special metaphors, before I was a hammer, but I wanted to believe I was a shovel. It wasn't until I accepted the fact I am a hammer, that I stopped trying to dig and figured out what I was good for.

Don't worry, the metaphors get better!

Ah, the words of wisdom

It was about a year and a half ago that I was let go from a job. It's safe to say I was rather devastated by this. Ah, yes, Shawn, while he has the prowess and amazing features of a Greek God is, in fact, at times, down and out. My father provided me with words of wisdom that I can only repeat and bestow upon the world these words of wisdom. Here's how the conversation went:

Me: Dad, this just sucks, I hate it.

Dad: Well, Shawn, life sucks. You hate it so much, take a bike and ride in front of a truck.

Me: (Laughing) No, I don't think I'll do that.

Dad: Well then quit your bitchin', you have options.

Funny how after that, those words have stuck with me this long. 

I like to think I am now a centered person... and no it has nothing to do with my growing gut. I've tried to take those words "quit your bitchin', you have options" and adapt that to my life. I have choices that I can make. I can work all the time. I can enjoy my life when I am home. I can find that work/life balance. In fact, that's what I have done. 

Think of your current situation. Can you get out of it? SURE YOU CAN! My dad proved that to me on this night. 

So where do I go from here? I think bed. Tomorrow is a new day. So now I am faced with the choices I spoke of just above -- do I fart toward or away from my wife under the sheets?

What brought me here?

It's a question that I really can't answer. Think of the possibilities:
- Divine intervention
- Peer pressure
- A need for instant gratification
- A severe need to share my innermost secrets
- or maybe I'm just bored.

For whatever reason, I just feel inspired. It's like watching monkeys use a computer for the first time. The result was disasterous but at least someone gave it a shot... so here I am!

Just incase someone other than my friends read this, you may want to know something about me. Not that anything about me is above average or impressive but I think I have some qualities that leave me memorable or at the very least recognizable.

I am:
1. short
2. married
3. an IT consultant
4. white
5. broke
6. about to turn 26 (September 9)
7. still figuring things out

I don't think my situation is far off from most but it's just a situation that is different. My life is only my life and some people may be able to say "I know what you mean" but that doesn't mean they understand.

If you are curious what I am going to talk about, well so am I. My life, attitude and really just about everything about me has changed rather drastically over the last couple of years. Things from college graduation, marriage, home ownership, job lay-offs etc etc have brought me to being the person I am. Expect a lot of deep thoughts and aspirations. Hopefully my inspiration will lead to inspire... or expire... depends on the person!