Habit 3: First things first

So now, you've taken responsibility for your own response and actions (Proactive), realize your goals and where you want to go (Beginning with the end in mind) and now for the third habit: First things first.

This means you need to set priorities. Now this sounds pretty easy right?  I don't believe it is. In order to do this you have to decide which of your principles/values and goals are most important. If you prioritize, you will have a clear idea of what measures success for you. What roles are you trying to be successful in (spouse, community organizer, a citizen, sibling, parents etc)? Which to you is more important?

Setting priorities for your life defines a clear path.

All of this together generates what is called a "Private Victory." It's your own path to having independence. You are completely responsible for how you achieve your goals and handle outside factors that may affect those goals.

Now, you are probably thinking this sounds all fine and dandy, but there are other people involved in things you do such as being a parent. Did I fail as a parent if my kid ends up screwed up in life? Am I a bad brother/sister because my brother/sister is mean to me? (You can come up with a million of these) and the answer is: That is up to you!!

What I mean is, no matter what you do, you are unable to control other people. It's not about getting the desired result out of others, it's about getting a desired result for yourself. You taught your kid all the things you wanted to teach him/her, you treated your brother/sister with respect, love etc, but THEY chose to go a different path. That is why this is a PRIVATE VICTORY. Only you can feel it. 

Prioritize your principles/values. If it is to be a great parent, put it on paper how you will do this (i.e. never miss a performance or game they are involved in, never be late, keep your promises, the things YOU can control). If you can do that, you will be successful. It's not about controlling the child, it's about controlling yourself.

In Habits 4-6, we'll discuss "Public Victory."

My private victory? My beta fish has yet to get constipated again....

For Valentine's, I gave my wife a hug.

Forgive me. I'm broke.

I'll come back to the next habit of the 7 habits real soon... maybe later tonight... or tomorrow... We'll see.

In the mean time, I thought I'd share this video someone made. It's a technique called stop-motion which basically means it's thousands of images put together in a movie (well, I suppose all movies are that, but this one is just done very creatively).

A little imagination can go a long way!

It's call Her Morning Elegance by Oren Lavie -- nice work!

Habit 2: Begin with the End In Mind!

If you are a proactive person, you have to then think about what you want? In other words, what is your goal? What desired results do you wish to achieve? Don't think about HOW to meet your goals but WHAT goals you want to achieve. This is the thinking with "the end in mind."

Covey believes the best way to practice living your life while aiming at a desired result can best be done through creating a "Personal Mission Statement." This isn't like most mission statements you hear about from companies that put out these statements that really don't make much sense... This statement is to document your perception or vision of your life. So this is something based on principles. If I were to say "I want to live my life happy" wouldn't be a great mission statement because I am describing an emotion not a principle. If I were to say "I want to live my life providing service to others" well, there is a principle (service) that will then lead me to being happy. 

I created one, but not one I want to share. It's not meant to be something you boast, it is meant to be something that helps you personally drive yourself to living in the path that will help you succeed in the life you want to live.

Planning is essential to fulfilling any goal whether it be in a job or just a home project. But without a clear vision of the "End In Mind" you will really have trouble achieving any desired results.

Now, we have long term goals (for example: I want to provide service to others) and short-term goals (for example: I want to get healthy for my wife). Either way, you need to know the goal before you can achieve one.

This is all about thinking with the end in mind.

Habit 1: Be Proactive!

Aww, yes. We've all heard this term, especially from management. I always thought it meant to take initiative and just go head first into projects or something. Many managers I've had really used this term rather loosely.

So what does it mean to me? How does Stephen Covey (author of The 7 Habits) mean proactive?
Covey didn't actually invent this or any of the ideas. He just put them in a logical, easy-to-understand order. The idea of being "proactive" (or at least the term proactive as it associates with the habits) was coined by Victor Frankl.

You see, Victor Frankl was a victim of the Holocaust and a neurologist/psychiatrist. While in the concentration camps, he was always cheerful regardless of all the torture. He appeared to be less harmed by the treacherous conditions while the others in the same place suffered dearly. This was because he was "proactive." He came out of the camp with the idea that even in the most painful, disgusting, dehumanizing situations, there is still a meaning to life. Even suffering was in some way meaningful.

Everyone knows that a stimulus generates some form of a response. Human nature is to be reactive, not proactive. Reactive means you are generally a victim and the state of the response to some said stimulus has been determined by someone else, therefore you are unhappy. Being proactive means taking responsibility for your life. Each aspect of your life and how you view it has been determined by you. You decide your response.

There are things you can control, such as your response, and things you cannot, such as the stimulus. The things you can control are in your "Circle of Influence." Well it's not likely any of us will end up in a concentration camp, so how else could this be applied to our lives? Let's look at this: Losing your job.

As you all already know, I've lost mine in the past. I was reactive. I got sick with stress over things I could not control. If I were proactive at the time, I would have taken a step back. I would have realized what I can do to help myself. I eventually got there, but human nature is to react. It takes months, maybe years to become truly proactive. But without the conscience effort, it won't happen.

Being proactive is a habit to help you personally, mentally, spiritually. Once you can control yourself, you can better handle situations that involve other people. Which we will get to with the next few habits.

Ya know, I try to tell my wife that if she just could control herself things would be okay. But she finds it more effective to kick me in my sleep...

A Disasterous Set of Events...

Well, not really disasterous, I'm really just putting a little preface to what I am doing now. I've read and been trying to live through The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

My next 7-8 posts are going to be on each of the habits.

Sounds fun, eh? stick with me. I think you'll find it interesting and it'll give you a little insight on how I am the way I am... sort of... there's a lot of me that can't be explained, unfortunately.