This means you need to set priorities. Now this sounds pretty easy right? I don't believe it is. In order to do this you have to decide which of your principles/values and goals are most important. If you prioritize, you will have a clear idea of what measures success for you. What roles are you trying to be successful in (spouse, community organizer, a citizen, sibling, parents etc)? Which to you is more important?
Setting priorities for your life defines a clear path.
All of this together generates what is called a "Private Victory." It's your own path to having independence. You are completely responsible for how you achieve your goals and handle outside factors that may affect those goals.
Now, you are probably thinking this sounds all fine and dandy, but there are other people involved in things you do such as being a parent. Did I fail as a parent if my kid ends up screwed up in life? Am I a bad brother/sister because my brother/sister is mean to me? (You can come up with a million of these) and the answer is: That is up to you!!
What I mean is, no matter what you do, you are unable to control other people. It's not about getting the desired result out of others, it's about getting a desired result for yourself. You taught your kid all the things you wanted to teach him/her, you treated your brother/sister with respect, love etc, but THEY chose to go a different path. That is why this is a PRIVATE VICTORY. Only you can feel it.
Prioritize your principles/values. If it is to be a great parent, put it on paper how you will do this (i.e. never miss a performance or game they are involved in, never be late, keep your promises, the things YOU can control). If you can do that, you will be successful. It's not about controlling the child, it's about controlling yourself.
In Habits 4-6, we'll discuss "Public Victory."
My private victory? My beta fish has yet to get constipated again....
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