What is good in deed is good... indeed...

The best part about doing something nice is expecting nothing in return. So that is exactly what I did tonight just to see what happens. 

I drove to Albertson's tonight and actually thought about whether or not the bums that sit outside once in awhile ever actually get anything from anyone. And on this particular night, there happened to be one there. Here's how the conversation went:

(as many people walk by ignoring him)

"Sir, sir, I don't want no money. I have a daughter whose birthday is on the 28th and I'd like to get her something for it and --" ::I interrupt him::

"Do you really have a daughter or are you just hungry?" I asked.

::a little stunned:: "I'm just hungry."

"Okay, then what do you want?"

"Chocolate cake and Napoleon or Chocolate ice cream."

"Alright, I'll be right back."

"Thank you, sir, God bless you"

He actually screamed that last part through the door. Which might be the reason the managers came out and asked him to leave. While his completely red, blood-shot eyes and slurred speech tell me he isn't going to remember this at all, I was completely shocked at the feeling of genuine appreciation this man had for this cake and ice cream. Well sure, he then asked for a bus fare which I declined, but I kind of expected that... he is homeless, you know.

This leads me to ask myself, "Why were those thoughts in my mind the one night I actually run into a bum at Albertson's?" I mean, I've seen them before, but never have any of them asked anything from me. "Of all the times I've had a chance to do something like this, why did I choose tonight?" I can't honestly even answer those questions. Maybe God said this man needs some pity. I don't know. For whatever reason, I had some for him tonight.

Let's think big picture here. I don't have much. That man had absolutely nothing. It may be of his own doing, I don't know. I can't help but sit here and think of the other day, driving through a rather -- what's the word -- economically challenged part of town and saw two very young girls with barely enough clothes to cover themselves walking next to the highway with their mother. Those kids truly don't have a chance. Maybe that was this guy too. Who knows? It isn't for me to find out. My responsibility is only for myself and maybe I'll never do a good deed like this again, but the power of kindness is pretty amazing.

Reading this back to myself, I sound a bit pretentious, as if I am trying to show off that I did a good deed. This is not my intention with this article. Social responsibility means don't smoke next too an elderly woman with an oxygen tank, not be forced to buy her an inhaler. But if you choose to go that extra step, then don't be afraid to do it.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

.... now what?

Before I landed in the consulting field, I always thought of myself as a free thinker. A creator. A do-er with unlimited potential. A true revolutionary with endless commitment to achieve. 

Yeah, I was all wrong. 

When I left college, I thought I'd get out there and take the world in my hands. When that didn't work out, I started to wonder, what is wrong with me? What do others know that I don't? 

I started to look at what I have been taught all my life. Even in college, I, as well as everyone else, was taught to "do as you are told." No more. No less. I knew I was a good worker, employers liked having me around but I was always waiting for something more but never saw any opportunities, then it hit me... I don't see the opportunities because I am not really looking. I'm waiting on someone to hand it over to me, or to tell me how to do it. 

Now, if you are the type of person that wants to be told how to do something, do it and then go home at 5 each and every day, then that is fine. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it. You are the person that keeps this world moving. 

Here's what I suggest, if you are unhappy, search for the real reason. There is very little in my life to be unhappy about, but that doesn't mean there isn't room for improvement. 

If you are trying to become a problem solver, the best place to start is by solving your own problems. It's probably one of the hardest things to do and something that will never end. If I figure out what's wrong with me (doctor's can't... my wife gave up on that one a long time ago) I'll let you know.

"You shut your mouth when you're talking to me!"

There's a well known but seldom discussed disease infesting millions of Americans today. 99% of people know it's a problem but 90% of those 99% don't think it's a problem they have or attribute to... it's called "Rude"

Rudeness is a funny thing. Rudeness is only rude when it's someone else doing it, not yourself. Being rude is an expression of frustration, but nonetheless, it's a choice.

I, Shawn Finer, have indeed been rude a time or two. The funny thing is I remember those moments so well, but not NEARLY as well as I remember those who have been rude to me.

Yet I can't but wonder, if being less than cordial is anything less than unappreciated, why do people do it? It's because it's convenient. What do people do when someone is rude to them? They are rude back.

It's just human nature. Now when you stop to think about it, when you fight fire with fire, everyone gets burned. While I do succumb to this at times myself, I have found a great practice that does something rather wonderful. At the foundation it is still just a selfish act, but stick with it:

Kill them with kindness

This means, don't get rude back. Smile. When that jerk cuts you off and gives you the bird, wave as if saying "It's okay."

It makes you feel great because you didn't lower yourself to their level. But also, and more importantly, it gets them that much more ANGRY. 

It's sickly satisfying, but most importantly, it helps you practice control. You'll sleep better if you control yourself and actually mean it. People will be harsh, rude, crude, or any expletive will do. Doesn't mean you have to be as well.

Kill with kindness and you'll live.

Passive aggressive? Or aggressively passive?

What's the dill pickle? Truthfully, it's a good question. Pun and all.

It's only human nature to try and not dill... sorry... deal with the issues, problems, dilemmas, moral issues, anger and gas pains, but we all know that in some way, those things will deal with us.

But, of course, we believe we only have 2 options:

1. Hold it all in

2. Let it all out

But there is a very unknown, uncommon third option. 

3. Accept it and let it go.

For many, tomorrow is going to be a very bad day. Obama may be elected and the quiet right may soon become very vocal. McCain may get elected and the vocal left may become very quiet. Some will hold it in. Some will let it all out. And the lucky few will accept it for what it is and let it go.

I'm really hoping I can be in the lucky few. I know they exist and I know I can be there but sometimes human nature gets the best of everyone.

The third option doesn't always make it better, but it helps you progress, move forward. I found myself pissed off at the world this weekend. I found myself so angry with "stupid ass people." Sadly, I believe it still, but what am I to do? I can't change them. I can't change what's happened in the past so now I have to do something about it.

It's all up to me now.

And as for dealing with gas pains... option 2 is usually the best way to go...